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One of the world’s greatest scientists was also recognized as the original absent-minded professor. One day, on board a train, he was unable to find his ticket. The conductor said, “Take it easy. You’ll find it.”

When the conductor returned, the professor still couldn’t find the ticket. The conductor, recognizing the famous scientist, said, “I’m sure you bought a ticket. Forget about it.”

“You’re very kind,” the professor said, “but I must find it, otherwise I won’t know where to get off.”
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Medical Jokes
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DOCTOR” The pain in your right leg is caused by old age.
OLD MAN : But my left leg is the same age and that doesn’t hurt.
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A blonde told her doctor that she was really worried because every part of her body hurt.

The doctor looked concerned and said, “Show me where.”

The blonde touched her own arm and screamed, “Ouch!”

Then she touched her leg and screamed, “Ouch!”

She touched her nose and cried, “Ouch!”

She looked at her doctor and said, “See? It hurts everywhere!”

The doctor laughed and said, “Don’t worry; it’s not serious. You”ve just got a broken index finger.”
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“Doctor Doctor i feel like a bridge!”
“What’s come over you?”
“2 buses, 3 motorbikes and a train.”

“Doctor Doctor - I feel like a pack of cards!”
“I’ll deal with you later.”

“Doctor Doctor - I feel like a needle!”
“I see your point.”

“Doctor Doctor - I feel like a pair of curtains!”
“Pull yourself togerther man!”

“Doctor Doctor - I have 59 seconds to live!”
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Two young medical students were standing on a street corner observing people as they passed and discussing any abnormalities with each other that they may have seen in passers-by. They would then attempt to make the correct diagnosis.

They spotted this old fellow leaving a bar sort of “duck waddling” down the street at a slow pace. The two students introduced themselves to the gentleman and told him that they didn’t agree with each others diagnosis of the his problem.

One says, “my friend thinks you have a bad case of hemorrhoids, and I think you have a hernia.” Which of us is correct?

The old man replies, “Well fellas, I thought it was a fart, but it looks like we were all wrong!”
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As the doctor completed an examination of the patient, he said, “I can’t find a cause for your complaint. Frankly, I think it’s due to drinking.”

“In that case,” said the patient, “I’ll come back when you’re sober”
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wat do u get if u cross michael jackson with arnold schwarzenegger????

micheal wasennegger
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