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Best Joke Of the Day
One of the world’s greatest scientists was also recognized as the original absent-minded professor. One day, on board a train, he was unable to find his ticket. The conductor said, “Take it easy. You’ll find it.”

When the conductor returned, the professor still couldn’t find the ticket. The conductor, recognizing the famous scientist, said, “I’m sure you bought a ticket. Forget about it.”

“You’re very kind,” the professor said, “but I must find it, otherwise I won’t know where to get off.”
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Army Jokes
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Little grandson asked: "Granddaddy, when you were in the Army and were posted as sentry at night, were you afraid?" 

"I was, grand sonny, but only until I fell asleep." 
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The company commander saw the results of Private Gibbson's Firing exercise and his face fell. The private exclaimed plaintively: "Sir, I think I am going to commit suicide by shooting myself." 

"By shooting?" reasked the company commander, "Not a bad idea! But take as many cartridges as possible." 
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Soldiers in Heaven
Little Willie asked his mother: "Mamma, don't soldiers ever go to heaven?"

"Of course they do!" protested his mother. "What makes you ask?"

"There are so many soldiers with beards but I never saw any pictures of angels with beards."

"Oh, that's because most men who go to Heaven get there by a close shave."
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Impressing the others
A young Air Force 2nd Lieutenant had just arrived at Misawa AFB in Japan.

He'd been given a beautiful renovated office and had it furnished with antiques.

Sitting there, he saw an enlisted man come into his outer office.

Wishing to appear the hot shot, the officer picked up the phone and started to pretend he was exchanging chit chat with the Base Commander.

He threw Colonel's and General's names around and talked about letting them stay in his Daddy's condo in Hawaii, and then set up a golfing date between him, the Base Commander, and the CO's of the Naval Security Group and Naval Air Facility.

Finally he hung up and asked the Sergeant, "Can I help you sergeant?"

The TSGT said, "Yes sir, I'm here to activate your phone lines."
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An inferiority complex
Private Milton went to psychiatrist and complained: "I have an inferiority complex."

"Nothing I can do for you", said the doc.

"In the Army privates don't have an inferiority complex... they're just inferior..."
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Discuss track types
Three Marines were walking through the forest when they came upon a set of tracks.

The first Marine said "those are deer tracks."

The second Marine said "No, those are elk tracks."

The third Marine said "You're both wrong, those are moose tracks."

The Marines were still arguing when the train hit them.
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Flying near Athens
As the plane was flying low over some hills near Athens, a lady asked the stewardess: "What's that stuff on those hills?"

"Just snow," replied the stewardess. 

"That's what I thought," said the lady, "but this fellow in front of me said it was Greece."

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New chemical warfare
An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: "Anyone knows the formula for water?"

"Sure. That's easy," said one man.

"What is it?"

"H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O."

"What, what?" reasked the instructor.

"H to O," explained the chemistry expert.

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Painting shows it all
At an exhibition of military painting a visitor was admiring a picture. 

"What a great realist that painter is!" he exclaimed. 

"What painter?" 

"The one that painted this picture 'Soldiers at Work'." 

"Yes, hut something is wrong there. Those soldiers aren't working at all!" 

"That is just the greatest stroke of realism in the picture!" 
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Choose a punishment
Private Loyds was brought up before the unit CO for some offence.

"You can take your choice, private - one month's restriction or twenty day's pay," said the officer.

"All right, sir," said the bright soldier, "I'll take the money."

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